Here comes a time in every girl’s life when she must ask herself the eternal question: What kind of heroine are you?
Would you be the dreaded Too Stupid To Live (TSTL) kind of gal? The type that rushes needlessly into danger when SHE KNOWS she shouldn’t! You know the sort; she runs up the stairs and traps herself in a horror film or rushes to face the bad vampires armed only with her cute new dress and her favourite shade of damsel-in-distress-pink lipstick. Will anyone admit to this if they are?
Or are you the Bad Ass Heroine, do you parade around with only your leather jacket and your wicked-sharp sarcastic wit as protection? Throw pithy come backs in the face of danger and generally just kick ass in you tight tight jeans?
There are others like the Plain Jane, she may possess decidedly average looks, but she is guaranteed to have healthy hair and teeth, an agile mind and fabulous sense of humour, with just a pinch of an inferiority complex thrown in for good measure.
However, before you can even put yourself into one of these and all other heroine categories you can think of, there are a couple of requirement that you must fulfil to be worthy of heroine status. The most important one is your skin, it doesn’t matter what you look like but you must have blindingly clear and soft skin, you can have a few freckles, or in romance-novel speak “golden flake sprinkled on her soft skin by mischievous pixies.” Next we come to smell. You have GOT to have naturally exude some kind off fruity or spicy scent, the saying “sugar and spice and all things nice,” has got to be taken very seriously, if you don’t naturally bear the scent of cinnamon and apples of vanilla and strawberries without the aid of Chanel then I am afraid you are going to get the boot.
Have you gotten past these hurdles? Is your skin as soft as a cashmere? Do you smell as enticing as warm apple pie? If you have then well done! You can now practice heaving your bosom, your witty repartee and chewing your lips sexily (I know, I don’t get it either! You just look like a cow munching grass!) and wait for your hero to come and more importantly make you come, over and over and over and over again!
Of course these are all flagrantly generalized statement and stereotypes of heroines but we all recognize them in one form or another, and I have come to love each one of them. At times they may make me want to pull my hair out, or more satisfyingly their hair out, but what would any kind of romance be without them?