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Sunday, 27 May 2012

Jim Said... Quotes from the Demon Star

Jim is not the main character of all the dragon series by Katie MacAlister but he truly is the star.  His one-liners have cracked me up on more than one occasion to the point where I've gotten some weird looks from people around me thinking that I've completely lost my mind.  So we thought, what better way than to introduce Jim than to give you a summary of some of our favorite lines of his from the books.

"An extremely handsome and im­pressive specimen of the Newfoundland breed material­izes in the middle of your shoddy hotel room, and you ask if I'm a demon? Oh, I can tell my time with you is going to be one long joyride."

"Walkies! I need to go walkies! Comprendez?"
"Give the girl a banana!"

"Think of me as Demon... The Next Generation"

Aisling: "Which di­rection should we go?"
Jim: "How should I know? I'm just a walking drool bib."

"Pardon me, you evidently have me confused with a pack mule. I'm a demon, not a form of transportation."
"My life used to be boring. A damnation here, a curse there, with an occasional blight or two to break routine. Now I have Aisling...She's better than reality TV, Internet porn sites, and the trashloids all put together."

"You want me to find some balloons for this pity party you're having?"

Aisling: Long story short...
Jim: There isn't anything short about your stories.

"You don't often get to see a wyvern claiming a mate. It's better than Skinemax. Is there going to be an encore? If there is, can you hold off until I make some popcorn?" 

"What's the silver dragon element? Earth?" Jim's face screwed up as it thought. "Ohh man, that means he's going to want to do it outdoors all the time. Buck naked in the wilderness!! My advice is to take sunscreen and bug spray and maybe a spatula or something, to dig the sand out of your butt crack in case he takes you to the beach."

"I'm calling the demon abuse hotline!"
"Wow!" Jim said. "Wish I had a camera. The black­mail potential of this is enough to keep me in burgers for the next millennia."

Jim's eyes almost bugged out of its furry black head as Cecile waddled into the room. Jim did an odd little shimmy toward the surprised-looking Corgi. "Are you one hot mama, or what? Hey, baby, who's your daddy?"

"Everything I say are pearls of wisdom"

"What is it?" Jim asked. "Dead body? Someone throw himself in front of the train? Are there splattered body parts everywhere? Did you remember to bring your digital camera?"

"Me? I'm not saying anything.  But if I was going to say something, it would be something along the lines of 'Smooth move, Ex-Lax!'"

"Man, someone needs to drop a few pounds, and I can tell you one thing—it ain't me!"

"Warning, warning! Do not mention her butt! Whatever you do, do not mention her butt!"

"Maybe she didn't offer anything because she was Lakatos intolerant. Lactose. Detective Lakatos. Get it? Ha! I kill me sometimes."

"Don't tell me, let me guess— you've had another nocturnal visit from the Studly Dragon?"

"Oh, yeah, that's going to do some good. Everyone knows an elevator doesn't shift into second until you really lean on the call button."

“You really are going to have to get a grip on controlling dragon fire, Ash. Hiya, Drake. Come crawling back, did you? Man, you are so whipped.  I never met anyone so completely— fires of Abaddon! You don’t have to barbeque me!”

“Oh, man. He’s going to pork you right here in front of me, isn’t he? Jeez, and they say dogs have no shame."

“Hello, and welcome to Aisling Heartbreak Hour,” Jim said, nuzzling Cecile’s ear. “I hope you’re comfort­able, because this is likely to take a while.”

“Hey, if Aisling is a celeb, does that make me one, too? Will someone ask for my picture, do you think?” Jim asked, looking around for potential paparazzi. “Should I set up my demon-jim.com Web site now?” “Hrmph,” Jim said. “Lassie I’m not! Fame can wait if all I’m going to be known as is a trusty sidekick."

“Ash, sweetie, honey, babykins— you’re not the most astute person in the world.”

“Do I get my own room?” Jim asked, turning to Drake. “One with a water bed? I’ve always wanted a water bed. And I hope you have satellite cable, because I get really cranky in the morning if I don’t get my dose of Montel.”

“Wow. Those are some pretty awesome teleporting skills you got there, Your First Dragonness. Don’t suppose you’re looking for a devastatingly handsome demon sidekick, are you?”

“That madwoman/psycho/scary face is good on you, Soldy,” Jim said, tipping its head to the side. “Kind of a ‘three bread crumbs short of a meat loaf’ look, but effective.”


Maria D. said...

Lol...love those one liners....I can see why Jim is the star of the books.....and why you love him so much....lol

Maria D. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joanne said...

OMG!! Those one liners are hysterical. I laughed so hard I cried. Thanks.

erin said...

bwahahahahaha... tooooo funny! Now I'm definitely gong to have to go check out This book!

June M. said...

I have got to read these books! I love Katie's Dark Ones books and these sound great too. Love all the one liners from Jim!

Barbara said...

He's a hoot...and so darn cuddly too!

felinewyvern said...

What a charmer, I have got to get the books to read more about him :D

Phoenix Carvelli said...

I haven't read the series but I know I like this guy/demon/dog!!! Love the quick one liners! So funny! :)
Thank you for some free entertainment today!

Gabrielle Lee said...

I love Jim! I always look forward to what he has to say in the books. I know it will always be good.